I’ve worked in communication for more than 20 years, and one thing I’ve seen again and again is how quickly people form an impression of the person in front of them. This happens in business meetings, presentations, interviews, negotiations, conversations with clients and, of course, in our personal lives as well.
You can prepare the perfect words and still make someone feel uncomfortable. At the same time, another person may say nothing particularly impressive and yet seem remarkably easy to talk to.
Communication theories show that we pay attention to what is being said, but non-verbal and para-verbal communication also influence how we perceive a person and their message. Tone of voice, pauses, facial expressions, gestures, posture and the way someone reacts while we’re speaking all become part of that message.
I am talking here about initial trust and rapport, not the deeper trust that develops after you know someone well. You can’t prove in 30 seconds that you’re reliable, honest or worthy of someone’s confidence. But you can make another person feel comfortable talking to you, and that first interaction can influence what happens next.
These are five small behaviors I’ve noticed are useful over the years. None of them should be performed like a body-language technique. If you’re mentally checking whether your hands are visible while pretending to listen, you’re no longer really paying attention to the person in front of you.
Why Trust Can Start Forming So Quickly
When we meet someone, we don’t wait until the end of the conversation to decide how we feel about them. We notice their tone, facial expressions, eye contact, posture, timing and reactions while we’re speaking to them.
You probably know people you’ve described as “easy to talk to.” Most likely, you didn’t reach that conclusion after analyzing their gestures or deciding that they were using the correct body language. You simply felt comfortable around them.
The opposite can happen too. Someone can be polite and say all the right things, yet the conversation doesn’t feel comfortable. Maybe they’re waiting impatiently for their turn to speak. Maybe they’re looking elsewhere while you’re answering. Maybe every story you tell immediately becomes the starting point for one of their stories.
At the same time, body language needs context. I don’t agree with the type of advice that gives one fixed interpretation to one gesture.
Someone with crossed arms might be defensive. They might also be cold, tired, comfortable in that position or simply have nowhere else to put their hands.
I pay much more attention to changes in someone’s behavior and to several signals appearing together than to one isolated gesture.
1. Let People Finish What They’re Saying
One of the easiest ways to damage rapport is something people do constantly: interrupting.
Sometimes we interrupt because we’re enthusiastic. Sometimes we already know what we want to say. Other times we want to show that we’ve had the same experience, so before the person has even finished their story, we’ve started telling ours.
The intention may be good, but the person speaking can still feel that you’re more interested in what you have to say.
When I’m talking to someone and they repeatedly cut in before I’ve finished a thought, I notice it. Most people do. After a while, the conversation starts feeling less like an exchange and more like two people waiting for their opportunity to speak.
I’ve also seen the opposite happen in professional situations. Give someone enough room to finish explaining something complicated or personal and you can receive a much more complete answer than you would have if you’d interrupted after the first part.
Of course, natural conversations aren’t perfectly ordered exchanges in which one person finishes every sentence and only then is the other allowed to speak. People overlap. We interrupt when we’re excited. We laugh, react and sometimes complete each other’s thoughts.
I’m referring to the habit of repeatedly taking the conversation away from the other person before they’ve had a chance to finish.
Another thing worth noticing is whether you’re actually listening or simply preparing your response. I’ve caught myself doing this too. You know what you want to say, so part of your attention has already moved away from the person speaking.
When that happens, bring your attention back to what they’re saying. Sometimes the final part of their sentence changes the answer you were preparing anyway.
2. Keep Your Posture Open, but Don’t Turn It Into a Performance
Visible, relaxed hands and an open posture can make a conversation feel easier, especially when you’re meeting someone for the first time.
But I wouldn’t sit at a café thinking, “My hands must remain visible because this creates trust.” Once you start controlling every small gesture, normal body language can quickly become unnatural.
What I find more useful is noticing whether you’re physically closing yourself off from the interaction.
For example, if you’re sitting hunched over your phone, your shoulders are turned away from the person and you only look at them occasionally, saying “Yes, I’m listening” won’t necessarily convince them that they have your attention.
In a meeting, I’ll usually sit so that I can face the person comfortably, use my hands naturally when I speak and maintain an open position without thinking constantly about my posture.
And this is where context becomes important again.
I’ve seen countless body-language lists claiming that crossed arms mean someone is defensive. They can indicate defensiveness, but you can’t know that from the crossed arms alone.
If a person has been sitting comfortably with crossed arms for 20 minutes, I wouldn’t read much into it.
If they were relaxed and engaged and then, immediately after a particular subject comes up, they lean back, cross their arms, change their facial expression and become less responsive, I would notice the change. I wouldn’t decide immediately what it means, but I would pay attention to what happened in the conversation at that moment.
3. Notice What Happens When the Conversation Becomes More Important
People naturally change their posture when the subject of a conversation changes.
You can be chatting casually about traffic or something that happened over the weekend and then hear, “Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
Most people become more attentive at that point without planning to. You might stop what you’re doing, turn more directly toward the person or lean forward slightly.
I’ve always found this much more useful than trying to mirror somebody intentionally.
If a person leans forward and you immediately copy the movement because you’ve read that mirroring creates rapport, the interaction can become artificial very quickly.
Pay attention instead to what the person is saying.
If they’re telling you something that clearly matters to them, give them your attention. You may naturally change your posture without even thinking about it.
The reverse is useful to notice as well.
If someone who was engaged suddenly starts leaning back, turning away, looking repeatedly at something else or responding much less, I wouldn’t immediately decide that they’re bored or defensive. But I would notice that their behavior changed.
Maybe the subject made them uncomfortable. Maybe they’ve heard the information before. Maybe you have been talking for too long. Maybe they’re simply tired.
You need the rest of the context before drawing conclusions.
My important note: if you lean forward in a forced way, people will sense it. Genuine attention comes first: listening to what is said, noticing how it is said and responding to the person rather than mechanically applying a technique.
4. Don’t Prepare the Entire Reply While the Other Person Is Still Speaking
This is closely connected to interrupting, but it isn’t quite the same thing.
You can wait politely until someone stops talking and still not really listen because you’ve spent most of that time preparing what you’re going to say next.
I’ve seen this often in discussions where people want to make a particular point. They’re silent, technically, but they’re no longer following the entire answer. They’re waiting for an opening.
And if you are fully concentrating on what the other person is saying, without deciding in advance what you’re going to reply, you may need a short moment after they finish to formulate your answer.
That’s normal.
I’m not suggesting an intentional pause designed to make you look more thoughtful. That would again turn normal communication into a technique.
Imagine a friend telling you about a problem. If your solution arrives the instant they finish the last word, it may sound as if you were preparing your advice long before you’d heard the whole situation.
There are also times when people don’t actually want advice. They want to explain what happened, talk it through or simply be heard.
Listening to the full message before deciding what the conversation needs can save you from giving an answer the other person never asked for.
It also prevents something else that happens surprisingly often: answering the question you expected someone to ask instead of the question they actually asked.
5. Let Your Face React Naturally
You don’t need exaggerated facial expressions, constant smiling or scripted mirroring. But our faces normally react when we’re genuinely interested in a conversation.
We smile when something is funny. Our expression changes when we hear something unexpected. If a friend tells us they’re worried about something, our face probably won’t look exactly the same as it did when we were discussing lunch five minutes earlier.
Those reactions are part of the feedback we give the person speaking.
I’ve had conversations with people who remain almost completely expressionless, and after a while you start wondering whether they’re interested, whether they agree, whether they understood what you meant or whether they’ve mentally moved on to something else.
That doesn’t mean everyone needs to be highly expressive. People are different, and cultural differences matter too.
Nor should you copy the expression of the person sitting opposite you.
If someone looks worried, you don’t need to reproduce their exact worried expression. You simply allow your own response to reflect the fact that you’ve understood the change in tone.
And forced smiling is particularly easy to notice. If the moment doesn’t call for a smile, there is no reason to add one because someone told you that smiling makes people like you.
Building Rapport
As I’ve mentioned before on this site, I’ve worked in communication for more than 20 years. Part of that work included training clients to deliver presentations, and a few years ago I also attended a program for business coaches.
Although these were two different situations, rapport was important in both.
When I trained people for presentations, one of the things we discussed was creating a connection with the audience. You can have an excellent presentation and very good information, but if you don’t manage to connect with the people listening to you, delivering the message becomes much harder.
In the coaching program, rapport appeared right at the beginning as well, this time in the relationship between coach and client.
That is also why I see the behaviors in this article as part of communication rather than as isolated body-language tricks.
Some of them overlap with what communication researchers call backchanneling. These are the small signals listeners give while another person is speaking: a nod, a facial reaction, a brief “mm-hmm,” “I see” or “right,” and similar responses.
We use many of these without consciously deciding to do so.
Imagine telling someone a fairly long story while they stare at you without moving, nodding or reacting at all. Even if they’re listening carefully, at some point you may start wondering whether they’re still following you.
With another person, you may receive a nod, a small reaction when something surprising happens in the story, or a short acknowledgment that tells you they’ve understood. You don’t need to stop every few sentences to check whether they’re still listening.
Good listening also means noticing more than words. You hear the tone, notice what a person emphasizes, see when they hesitate and recognize when a subject suddenly changes their behavior.
These Behaviors Shouldn’t Be Used to Manipulate People
I think this needs to be said whenever we talk about trust, rapport or body language.
The goal shouldn’t be to make somebody trust you when they otherwise wouldn’t.
There’s a difference between paying genuine attention to someone and performing attention because you want a particular reaction from them.
And once you become too preoccupied with technique, you can end up doing the opposite of what you intended.
If you’re thinking throughout the conversation:
“Should I lean forward now?”
“Am I making enough eye contact?”
“Should I nod?”
“Are my hands in the correct position?”
then part of your attention is on yourself rather than on the person speaking.
I’ve always found body language much more useful when I observe it than when I try to manufacture it.
Notice the other person’s behavior. Notice changes. Notice your own habits as well.
Maybe you interrupt more than you realized. Maybe you tend to check your phone while someone is talking. Maybe you jump straight to solutions before the other person has even finished explaining the problem.
Those observations can actually improve the way you communicate.
How to Make People Trust You in Everyday Situations
The same principles appear outside professional communication all the time.
On a first date, giving someone room to finish a story is very different from repeatedly steering the conversation back to yourself.
With a teenager, putting your phone down and listening to the entire story can say more than repeating that they can always talk to you.
In a business meeting, a client’s reaction when you introduce a proposal may tell you that you need to clarify something before moving to the next slide.
With a friend who’s upset, there are moments when you don’t need to provide a solution immediately. They may need to tell you what happened first.
And with family, where we know each other so well that we sometimes think we already know what the other person is going to say, actually waiting for the complete sentence can make a bigger difference than we realize.
The situation changes, the relationship changes and people’s personalities change, so I don’t believe in applying exactly the same body-language rule everywhere.
Trust Isn’t Built by Performing the Right Gestures
After more than two decades working in communication, I don’t believe there is a magic gesture that makes another person trust you.
What I’ve seen instead are many small behaviors that can make a conversation feel easier and show another person that you are actually paying attention.
Let them finish what they’re saying. Don’t spend their entire answer preparing yours. Notice changes in their tone and behavior without immediately deciding that you know what those changes mean. Let your own reactions be natural.
You can do all of this and still disagree with someone. You may have completely different opinions, and they may not like what you’re telling them. Building rapport isn’t the same as making another person agree with you.
And, again, these behaviors should be used with good intentions, not in a manipulative way.
Building trust shouldn’t be about learning techniques so that someone lowers their guard. It should come from being genuinely interested in the person you’re speaking with, listening to what they’re telling you, paying attention to their reactions and giving them enough space to express what they actually want to say.
FAQ: Building Trust and Rapport
Q: How long does it take to build trust with someone?
We can form an initial impression and begin developing rapport very quickly, sometimes within the first moments of an interaction. Deeper trust takes longer and develops through consistency, experience and repeated interactions.
Q: Are body-language techniques for trust manipulative?
They can be if they’re deliberately used to create a false impression or influence someone. Listening without constantly interrupting, paying attention and responding naturally aren’t manipulative when the interest is genuine.
Q: What is the fastest way to build rapport with new people?
Start by listening. Give the other person enough room to speak, pay attention to what they’re actually saying instead of preparing your next response, and respond naturally to the conversation.
Q: Does crossing your arms mean you’re defensive?
It can, but crossed arms alone aren’t enough to tell you what someone is thinking. Context, the person’s usual behavior and other changes happening at the same time are more useful.
Q: What is backchanneling in communication?
Backchanneling refers to the small responses a listener gives while another person is speaking, such as nodding, facial reactions or brief verbal responses like “mm-hmm” and “I see.” They signal that you’re following the conversation without taking over.
Q: Can these behaviors work in both personal and professional situations?
Yes, although the way you use them will depend on the person and the situation. Listening and paying attention are useful in meetings, presentations, friendships, family conversations, dating and many other interactions.
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Violeta-Loredana Pascal is a communications expert, business mentor, and the founder of Earth’s Attractions and PRwave INTERNATIONAL. A pioneer in the Romanian digital PR landscape since 2005, she holds a degree in Communication and Social Sciences from SNSPA Bucharest. Violeta is a senior trainer at AcademiadeAfaceri.ro, where she leverages over 20 years of experience to teach professional courses in PR strategy and workplace productivity. By blending high-level business consulting with a passion for holistic travel and wellness, she empowers solopreneurs to overcome procrastination, build profitable brands, and design a life of purposeful adventure.





