The Danger of Bonding Over Gossip: New Research Reveals When It Brings People Closer – And When It Backfires

Heard anything interesting lately?

A friend tells you something about someone you both know; a coworker mentions what happened in another department; you see a story about a celebrity and send it to someone because you know they’ll have an opinion. Sometimes you’re the one saying, “Wait until you hear this.”

Talking about other people is so common that it starts long before adulthood. Children talk about classmates, teenagers discuss friends and relationships, and adults talk about coworkers, relatives, neighbors, bosses, friends, celebrities and people they’ve met only once or twice.

And people don’t always gossip because they want to be nasty. I know people who genuinely believe sharing information can help a friend, warn someone about a problem or bring two people closer. But does the person listening read that conversation the same way? Read until the end because I have not only interesting things, but also news you did not see coming!

ID 91855274 ©Kiosea39 | Dreamstime.com 

You May Think You’re Showing Trust. The Listener May Be Thinking About Something Else

Sharing something private can feel like an invitation into an inner circle. You’re telling this person something you wouldn’t tell everyone else, so it can feel like you’re saying, “I trust you.” Research published in 2026 found that gossipers tend to overestimate how much the listener will open up in return.

The person sharing the gossip is more focused on the trust they’re trying to show. The listener is more likely to consider something else: if this person talks about other people when they’re not there, could I be next?

So the same conversation can contain both:

“I trust you enough to tell you.”

and

“I’m someone who tells people things about others.”

But Gossip Really Can Make People Feel Closer

This is where things get more complicated. Sharing a negative opinion about another person can increase closeness.

You’ve probably experienced the moment. Someone says exactly what you’ve been thinking and you immediately respond, “I’m so glad you noticed that too.”

Two coworkers realize they’re frustrated by the same manager. Two friends discover the same person treated both of them badly. Suddenly there is common ground.

But liking someone more and trusting them with your private information aren’t necessarily the same thing.

You can think, She gets it, while also thinking, I’ll be careful what I tell her about myself.

Most Gossip Isn’t Even Negative

I found this part interesting because the word gossip usually makes us think of rumors, humiliating stories or people tearing someone down.

But when researchers recorded and analyzed everyday conversations, people spent about 52 minutes a day talking about others, and roughly three-quarters of that gossip was neutral.

“Daniel is moving to another department next month” can qualify as gossip too.

So can talking about who changed jobs, who helped someone, who knows how to solve a problem, who is moving, who started dating or what happened at a meeting.

Sometimes Passing Something On Really Can Help

Suppose a friend is about to lend money to someone who has repeatedly borrowed from other people and never paid them back.

Would staying silent automatically be better?

Not according to research on prosocial gossip. Passing on information about selfish or exploitative behavior can help protect other people.

The motive matters too. Negative gossip is judged more favorably when it appears to be shared to help rather than for self-serving reasons.

“You’re about to work with him, and there’s something relevant I think you should know” lands differently from “Wait until you hear what he did.”

And accuracy matters. Honest gossip can make the person sharing it seem more trustworthy; dishonest gossip does the opposite.

One Conversation Is One Thing. A Reputation for Gossip Is Another

If you’ve read more of my articles about communication, you know I prefer looking at patterns rather than considering one behavior as proof of someone’s character.

Gossip is no different. People who gossip often are liked less and seen as less powerful, and frequent negative gossip creates the worst impression. 

At Work, Being the Person Who Knows Everything Can Have a Cost

ID 117775949 ©Arne9001 | Dreamstime.com 

Almost every workplace has someone who always seems to know what’s happening: Who’s leaving. Who argued with the boss. Who is unhappy. Who didn’t get the role. Who said what at the meeting you missed.

That can make someone interesting to talk to, but a gossip reputation can make colleagues less likely to ask that person for advice, even when they’re competent.

You can become the person people go to for information without becoming the person they go to for advice.

Someone might happily ask, “Have you heard what’s happening with the new manager?” and never follow it with, “I’m thinking about resigning and nobody knows yet. What do you think I should do?”

Negative workplace gossip has also been linked with worse workplace relationships.

Then There’s Positive Gossip

This is where something my mother told me growing up came back to me. She said not to gossip and that if I was going to talk about someone who wasn’t there, I should have something good to say. I always saw that as a rule about manners. I didn’t expect positive gossip to have its own interesting research behind it.

“She caught the mistake before the report went out.”

“He stayed late to help the new employee.”

“She handled that situation incredibly well.”

The person isn’t there, so you’re still talking about someone absent. But positive gossipers tend to be viewed more favorably than negative gossipers. Newer workplace research has also connected positive gossip with better well-being for the person being discussed. 

Friend Groups and Families 

Imagine six friends who regularly meet for dinner. One can’t come this week, and before long something private about her becomes part of the conversation.

Families have their own version of this.

“I thought everyone should know.”

“I was worried about you.”

“I only told your sister.”

Those explanations can feel like care to the person passing along the information. But tell one relative you’re thinking about changing jobs and discover the next day that three others already know, and you may simply wait longer before sharing something personal again. Something can be completely true and still not be yours to tell.

Celebrity Gossip Feels Different (Apparently)

Celebrity gossip is interesting because the relationship starts differently. You may know a surprising amount about a favorite actor, musician or public figure, while that person has no idea who you are.

People expect to feel less guilty and more excited when gossiping about a favorite celebrity than when discussing friends, acquaintances or other people in their real lives. 

So When Is It Better Not to Say Anything?

I think four questions are enough.

Is this mine to tell?

A friend tells you she’s pregnant but hasn’t announced it. A coworker privately tells you they’re looking for another job. A relative tells you their relationship may be ending.

Do I know it’s true?

“Someone told me” isn’t verification. Repeating an uncertain story only adds another person to the chain. It’s like seeing a video on social media and considering it the ultimate truth. 

Why does this person need to know?

Warning a friend about someone who has repeatedly failed to repay borrowed money is one thing. Telling a coworker details of somebody else’s marriage because lunch has gone quiet is another.

Would I tell it the same way if the person walked in?

It isn’t a perfect test. Some warnings and private requests for advice need to happen without the other person present.

But if you would immediately change the words, the tone and half the details, that tells you something.

If You Don’t Want to Join In, You Don’t Need a Speech

“Do we actually know that happened?”

“I’m not sure they’d want everyone knowing that.”

“Did they actually say that, or is everyone guessing?”

“I don’t know their side, so I’m staying out of that one.” – I use this a lot – or variations. 

Or simply change the subject. 

If What You Want Is Closeness, Use Your Own Story

If you’re sharing something private because you want them to open up, try sharing something of yours instead.

“I dealt with something similar last year.”

“I got that wrong once too.”

“I’ve worried about the same thing.”

Conclusion

I expected the psychology of gossip to be fairly straightforward. It isn’t. Gossip can create closeness. Most of it isn’t negative. Some warnings are useful. Honest gossip can help rather than hurt the person telling it. Positive gossip looks very different from what we usually mean when we say someone is “a gossip.”

But every story about someone else gives the listener information about two people: the person you’re talking about and you.

And after all of this, I will leave you with this news: a woman has bought two houses and become rich as a gossiper. YES, really – the story is here.

Frequently Asked Questions About Gossip

Can gossip make people closer?

Yes. Sharing a negative opinion can create a sense of closeness and agreement. But feeling closer to someone and trusting them with private information are different things.

Can gossip ever be helpful?

Yes. Accurate information about selfish, exploitative or dishonest behavior can help another person avoid a problem. Researchers often refer to this as prosocial gossip.

What is positive gossip?

Positive gossip is favorable information about someone who isn’t present, such as talking about how well they handled a difficult situation or how they helped another person.

Is it gossip if it’s true?

Yes. Gossip doesn’t have to be false. And something being true doesn’t automatically mean it was yours to share.

Why can workplace gossip hurt your reputation?

Research has found that people may become less likely to ask a known gossiper for advice, even when that person is competent.

Violeta Loredana

Violeta-Loredana Pascal is a communications expert, business mentor, and the founder of Earth’s Attractions and PRwave INTERNATIONAL. A pioneer in the Romanian digital PR landscape since 2005, she holds a degree in Communication and Social Sciences from SNSPA Bucharest. Violeta is a senior trainer at AcademiadeAfaceri.ro, where she leverages over 20 years of experience to teach professional courses in PR strategy and workplace productivity. By blending high-level business consulting with a passion for holistic travel and wellness, she empowers solopreneurs to overcome procrastination, build profitable brands, and design a life of purposeful adventure.