People Think This Makes a Better Impression in Conversation – Research Found the Opposite. Most of Us Have Done It

Once in a while I read a study or discover a new term and my reaction is: “OMG, I know someone who does that!” Or: “OMG, I noticed that, but I didn’t know it had a name!”

It was the same with the term mentioned in this article, and the situation behind it is more common than you might think.

Before telling you the term, how it shows up, what you can do when someone else has this habit, and how to stop if you discover you do it yourself, I need to say something important: this article isn’t about judgment or criticism.

In fact, the research suggests that many people do this. There are also three different types, and you may recognize some more easily than others. I’ll also show you what researchers found about the impression this habit can leave on the person you’re talking to.

We can all do something that feels natural or perfectly OK to us, but which is perceived completely differently by the person we’re talking to. We might even annoy someone without realizing it. Conversations have many hidden social rules that most of us follow without consciously thinking about them.

So read this as information. You may immediately think of someone who does this regularly. You may also get a few paragraphs in and think, “Wait… I do that too.” Both reactions are OK. There are simple ways to handle it from either side, and I’ll include examples from everyday conversations, work, dating, friendships, and other situations.

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So, What Is Boomerasking in Conversation?

Imagine asking a colleague:

“Did you do anything fun this weekend?”

They tell you they stayed home, watched a movie, and finally had some time to relax.

You reply:

“Nice! We went camping, hiked 12 miles, and cooked over an open fire. The place was incredible…”

You asked. They answered. Then the question came straight back to you.

Researchers Alison Wood Brooks of Harvard Business School and Michael Yeomans of Imperial College London have a name for this conversational pattern: boomerasking.

Boomerasking is a sequence in which someone asks another person a question, gives them a chance to answer, and then answers the same question themselves instead of engaging with the answer they just received.

The researchers introduced the term in research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General in 2025. They examined boomerasking across eight studies involving recalled conversations, experimental scenarios, observed interactions and live conversations.

The name is quite literal: the question goes out and then, like a boomerang, quickly returns to the person who asked it:

Question → answer → “Now let me tell you about me.”

Almost Everyone in One Study Had Experienced It – And Almost Everyone Had Done It

This was the finding that made me smile, because it immediately takes some of the judgment out of the subject.

In one of the studies, 92.6% of participants could remember someone boomerasking them.

But 91.9% could also remember boomerasking someone else.

And these weren’t necessarily distant memories. Sixty-five percent of the recalled examples had happened within the previous week. The situations involved friends, coworkers, romantic partners, relatives, and acquaintances.

So if somebody immediately popped into your mind when you read the definition, you’re in good company. And if you suddenly remembered doing the same thing yourself last Tuesday, you’re also in good company.

I think that’s useful to remember whenever we notice an irritating conversational habit. The same person can be a good listener in one conversation and get overexcited and redirect another. I’ve seen the same thing with interruptions: what feels dismissive from the receiving side can have several explanations from the speaker’s side.

There Are 3 Types of Boomerasking

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Boomerasking isn’t limited to bragging. Brooks and Yeomans identified three forms in their research: ask-bragging, ask-complaining and ask-sharing.

1. Ask-Bragging

This is probably the easiest version to spot because the question becomes a runway for good news, an achievement, or something impressive.

“Did you get a bonus this year?”

“Yes, a small one.”

“Nice! Mine was much bigger than I expected, so I finally bought that car I wanted.”

Or:

“Are you going anywhere this summer?”

“We’re spending a few days at the beach.”

“We’re doing three weeks in Italy. I found this gorgeous hotel…”

The person may genuinely be interested in your answer, but the speed of the pivot can still make the question feel like a setup for their own news.

2. Ask-Complaining

The question can also become an opening for something negative.

“How busy are you at work?”

“Very. We have a deadline on Friday.”

“You should see MY workload. My boss has given me three new projects, I’ve barely eaten lunch all week…”

Now you’re listening to their problem before anything you said has really been acknowledged.

3. Ask-Sharing

I think that, of all the types, this is less dramatic and probably easier to do without noticing.

“Did you watch anything good last night?”

“We started that new crime series.”

“I watched this documentary about…”

No bragging. No complaining. The person simply wanted to share something about themselves. In the recalled conversations examined by the researchers, ask-bragging appeared most often, followed by ask-sharing and ask-complaining. So if you’ve been thinking, “I never brag like that, so I definitely don’t do this,” the third category is worth remembering.

Why Do People Ask Questions and Then Talk About Themselves?

This may be the most interesting part of the research. You might expect people to know that boomerasking creates a poor impression and simply do it anyway because they want the conversational floor.

The researchers found something very different.

In one study, people thought about information they wanted to share and compared two strategies. They could simply disclose it, or they could first ask the other person a related question and then share their own answer.

Roughly 83% predicted that boomerasking would leave the better impression.

Their reasons included believing that asking first would show interest, give the other person an opportunity to speak, make the asker appear less self-centered or simply make the disclosure feel more natural.

From the speaker’s side, the thought process can be completely understandable:

“I really want to tell her about my vacation, but I don’t want to walk in and immediately start talking about myself. I’ll ask about her trip first.”

You asked a question, gave the other person a turn; you may feel that the exchange went smoothly. But there’s one small part of the conversation you skipped.

The Problem Isn’t Asking the Question – It’s What Happens to the Answer

When you ask someone a question, the question creates an expectation: their answer is relevant to you. If they answer and you immediately launch into your own version, they may reinterpret the original question.

“Oh. You weren’t really asking because you wanted to hear about my weekend. You wanted to tell me about yours.”

Across several experiments, participants perceived boomeraskers as less sincere and generally liked them less than people who simply disclosed the same information directly.

That’s also why asking more questions by itself isn’t the secret to being easy to talk to. The response after the answer can be just as important as the original question.

The researchers use the term conversational uptake for this. It refers to building on what the other person just contributed.

You might acknowledge their answer:

“That sounds relaxing.”

You might pick up a detail:

“You said you finally watched that movie. Was it as good as everyone says?”

You might ask a follow-up:

“Was that your first time there?”

You might paraphrase or respond directly to what they just told you.

The response doesn’t have to be brilliant. It only has to show that the answer went somewhere.

This is where boomerasking breaks the flow.

Ask → listen → immediately tell my story.

A small change gives you:

Ask → listen → respond to what they said → continue.

That middle response will not take that much time, but it is important to include it.

The Dating Experiment Shows How Much the Sequence Can Change an Impression

One of the studies placed boomerasking in a fictional dating scenario. Participants saw a date who asked questions and then connected those subjects to information about themselves, or a date who shared the same information more straightforwardly.

The information itself was kept comparable. What changed was the way it entered the conversation. When participants were asked how likely they would be to accept a second date, the average rating was 55.9 out of 100 for the boomerasker and 70.9 for the person who disclosed directly.

They also rated the boomerasker as less sincere and less likable.

I wouldn’t look at those numbers and start analyzing every date, friend, or colleague through a microscope. What they show is much more practical: a question doesn’t automatically make self-disclosure feel more considerate. If what you really want is to tell someone something, directness can work better.

And Here’s the Important Exception: Sharing Your Own Answer Can Be Perfectly Fine

This is the distinction I really don’t want to lose, because otherwise the advice becomes ridiculous.

Consider this:

“How was your weekend?”

“Great. We went hiking on Saturday. How was yours?”

“Really good. We finally tried that new restaurant downtown.”

You asked first. You later answered the same question.

But the other person invited your answer.

Brooks and Yeomans tested this in Study 4 of the full research paper.

When the first person answered and then reciprocated with a question such as “What about you?”, the negative effect was greatly reduced. The researchers found no significant difference between these invited disclosures and straightforward disclosures in either liking or perceived sincerity.

Sharing your own experience isn’t the problem. Ignoring the answer you just asked for is.

Normal conversation moves back and forth. We tell stories, compare experiences, complain, laugh, add related memories and say, “That happened to me too.” Removing all of that would make conversation strangely one-sided.

The useful distinction is whether the other person’s contribution received some attention before yours took over.

Boomerasking vs. Conversational Narcissism: Are They the Same Thing?

No. Boomerasking describes a specific sequence in a conversation. Conversational narcissism is a broader term for repeatedly shifting conversational attention toward yourself.

A person can boomerask in one exchange without constantly dominating conversations.

Remember the 91.9% figure: almost everyone in that study could recall doing it themselves.

Nor should “boomerasking” become an amateur diagnosis. The term describes what happens in the conversation. It doesn’t tell us that someone has narcissistic personality disorder, and the researchers weren’t diagnosing people with one.

I prefer looking at it the same way I look at many conversation mistakes: notice the behavior, see whether it’s occasional or repetitive, and decide what would improve the interaction.

How to Stop Boomerasking Without Becoming Afraid to Talk About Yourself

Once you recognize the habit, the fix can be surprisingly small.

Stay With Their Answer for One More Turn

This is the easiest rule I’d remember.

Suppose you ask:

“Where are you going on vacation?”

They say:

“We’re going to Yellowstone.”

You’re excited because you’re going somewhere too.

Before telling them, stay with Yellowstone for one more turn:

“Have you been before?”

Or:

“What are you most excited to see?”

Or simply:

“That sounds great. I’ve heard it’s incredible.”

Michael Yeomans gives similar practical advice in his Imperial explanation of the research: let the conversation stay focused on the other person for another round before shifting it to yourself.

If you genuinely want to know more about someone, having a few better questions available can also make it easier to get beyond the automatic scripts we use with strangers, coworkers and acquaintances.

Respond to One Thing They Actually Said

You don’t even need another question.

If they say:

“We spent a week in Maine and loved the coast.”

you could say:

“I’d love to see that coastline.”

Or:

“A whole week by the coast sounds wonderful.”

Then your own related story can enter the conversation naturally later.

It’s a small signal of attention, and attention is also part of how people build trust during everyday interactions.

If You Mainly Want to Share Something, Share It

This is probably my favorite practical lesson from the study because it goes against the instinct that produced boomerasking in the first place.

You don’t need to manufacture a question to justify talking about yourself.

If you’re excited about your weekend:

“I have to tell you what happened this weekend.”

If you received good news:

“I got some news today that I’m really excited about.”

If you need to vent:

“Can I complain about my day for a minute?”

You’ve made your intention clear.

That kind of direct wording can also help you sound more confident, because you’re saying what you came to say without wrapping it in unnecessary conversational padding.

Then leave room for the other person. Direct disclosure can become tiring too if a two-minute story turns into 20 minutes of over-explaining.

Ask a Question You Can’t Immediately Answer Yourself

This is a useful practice exercise suggested by the researchers.

If you keep catching yourself using questions as an opening for your own stories, ask about something where you don’t have your own version waiting.

You don’t have a dog? Ask about their dog.

You’ve never tried their hobby? Ask how they got into it.

You didn’t attend the event? Ask what it was like.

Now you have much less temptation to jump in with “Me too…” after the first sentence.

I wouldn’t make this a permanent conversation rule. Shared experiences can create some of the best discussions. Use it as practice when you’re trying to become more conscious of how quickly you redirect a topic.

If You Catch Yourself Mid-Boomerask, Give the Conversation Back

You’re halfway through describing your weekend when you realize you completely skipped over theirs. You can fix it right there.

“Wait, I just made this about my weekend. You were saying you went hiking?”

Or:

“I got ahead of myself. What happened after that?”

Or:

“Sorry, I got excited. Finish your story first.”

No speech about how terrible you are at conversations is required. In fact, a long explanation of why you interrupted the story would simply take up more of the conversational space you’re trying to return.

How to Stop Boomerasking at Work

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The same habit can be easy to miss in meetings and one-to-one conversations because questions are part of the job. A manager asks:

“How is the project going?”

The employee says:

“We’re making progress, but I’m worried we won’t have enough time to test everything before Friday.”

The manager replies:

“Yes, I’m under pressure too. I have three other projects that need…”

The employee technically answered. But the concern about Friday has disappeared.

A more useful next move could be:

“What part do you think is most at risk?”

Or:

“What would give you enough time to test it properly?”

The manager can still discuss their own workload later. First, the answer they requested gets addressed.

This is also where knowing when to wait matters. People who regularly feel cut off may eventually stop giving detailed answers at all. If you tend to jump in quickly when you already know what you want to say, the same techniques used to reduce interrupting can help.

5 Everyday Boomerasking Examples – And the Small Change That Fixes Each One

Vacation

Boomerask: “Where are you going this summer?” They answer. “Nice! We’re going to Rome for two weeks…”

Better: Ask something about their destination first, react to what they told you, and bring up Rome when there’s an opening.

Work

Boomerask: “How busy are you?” They answer. “You think that’s busy? I have…”

Better: Respond to their workload first. If you mainly wanted to complain about yours, introduce your complaint directly.

Good News

Boomerask: “How did your presentation go?” They answer. “Mine was amazing. The client loved it.”

Better: Stay with their presentation for another turn, or simply open with your own good news if that’s what you wanted to share.

A New Acquaintance or Date

Boomerask: “Where have you traveled?” They mention two places. You immediately begin listing every country you’ve visited.

Better: Pick one place they mentioned and ask about it. Let the conversation move toward your experiences rather than racing there.

A Friend Having a Difficult Day

Boomerask: “Are you OK?” They begin describing the problem. “I know exactly what you mean. Something much worse happened to me…”

Better: Give their situation some space first. A related story may eventually help, but hearing the rest of theirs may be what they need from you at that moment. The same distinction is useful when deciding whether someone wants support or unsolicited advice.

What If Someone Keeps Boomerasking You?

Now we get to the other side.

Maybe you read the first example and immediately thought of a coworker, friend or relative who has a bigger story for every story you tell.

You don’t have to announce:

“You’re boomerasking me again.”

In many conversations, a much smaller response can stop the pattern.

If You Weren’t Finished, Keep Your Turn

Try:

“Wait, I haven’t gotten to the best part yet.”

Or:

“Hold on, let me finish this first.”

Then finish.

People often surrender the conversational floor the instant somebody else begins talking. Calmly continuing your thought can reset that pattern without creating an argument.

Bring the Conversation Back to Your Answer

If they already redirected:

“Anyway, going back to what happened on our trip…”

Or:

“That reminds me, I didn’t finish what I was saying about Friday.”

You aren’t accusing them of anything. You’re simply returning to the part of the conversation that got lost.

When It Happens Repeatedly, Make the Turn-Taking More Explicit

With someone you know well, you can say:

“I want to finish this first, then I want to hear what happened to you.”

That gives both stories room.

It can be especially useful with people who get excited and jump in with a related experience before noticing that you were still talking.

If You’re Done With the Topic, Move It Somewhere Else

You may not want to fight for another five minutes of the same conversation at all.

“Anyway, enough about work. How is the new house coming along?”

Or:

“Speaking of weekends, are you still coming on Saturday?”

A natural change of subject can be more useful than correcting someone’s conversational technique.

If the Original Question Is Too Personal, You Don’t Have to Answer It

A boomerask can begin with a question you didn’t want in the first place.

“How much did you pay for your house?”

You reluctantly answer.

Then they tell you exactly how much they paid and why they got a better deal.

You can stop the sequence before it gets there by declining the first question. A brief response such as “I keep that private” may be enough, and there are more ways to handle intrusive questions without turning the moment into a fight.

A Quick Check Before Your Next Question

You don’t need a personality test or a score.

If you’re wondering whether you have a habit of boomerasking, ask yourself four things.

Do I actually want to hear their answer?

If the answer is yes, ask the question and give the answer somewhere to go.

If you’re mainly waiting to tell them your news, you can start with your news.

Am I already preparing my story while they’re talking?

This is an easy clue to notice once you start watching for it.

You ask about their vacation. They’re halfway through the second sentence and you’re already deciding which detail from your vacation you’ll tell them first.

Bring your attention back to their sentence.

Did I respond to anything they actually said?

You don’t need three follow-up questions.

A reaction, one connected question or one comment about their answer may be enough.

Did They Invite Me to Share?

“What about you?”

“Have you ever been?”

“Did something like that happen to you?”

Those are invitations. Take your turn.

Good conversation isn’t an interrogation where the person who asks the first question is forbidden from talking about themselves. It moves in both directions.

What the Boomerasking Research Actually Studied

The term comes from Alison Wood Brooks and Michael Yeomans’ paper Boomerasking: Answering Your Own Questions.

The paper covered eight studies, beginning with people’s recollections of real boomerasking experiences and moving through controlled scenarios, observations and live conversations.

The researchers examined boomerasking in contexts including parties, dates, casual conversations between acquaintances and conversations between strangers. Parts of the research included participants in the United States, United Kingdom and Hong Kong.

There’s also an important limitation to keep in mind. Most of Studies 1 through 5 relied on recalled situations or experimental scenarios. Study 6 involved live conversations between strangers, but even those conversations took place under specific experimental conditions and around topics selected by the researchers.

Brooks and Yeomans themselves note that closer relationships, larger groups and conversations with other goals may produce different results.

That makes the most useful conclusion fairly specific: when you ask someone a question and then immediately answer it yourself without engaging with what they said, your attempt to appear interested can produce an impression you never intended.

Conclusion

I like discovering terms such as boomerasking because once a behavior has a name, it becomes much easier to notice.

And with this one, there’s a good chance you’ll notice it from both sides.

You may catch someone asking about your weekend only to tell you about theirs. A few days later, you may hear yourself doing almost exactly the same thing.

The fix doesn’t require becoming quieter or refusing to share your own experiences.

When someone answers a question you asked, give their answer somewhere to go before bringing the conversation back to yourself.

React to something. Stay with one detail. Ask another question if you genuinely want to know more.

And if you really came into the conversation because you have a story you can’t wait to tell, you can simply tell it.

Frequently Asked Questions About Boomerasking

What does boomerasking mean?

Boomerasking is a conversational pattern where someone asks another person a question, lets them answer and then quickly answers the same question themselves instead of engaging with the first answer. Researchers Alison Wood Brooks and Michael Yeomans introduced the term in research published in 2025.

What are the three types of boomerasking?

The researchers identified three types: ask-bragging, where the asker follows the question with positive information about themselves; ask-complaining, where the question leads into their own complaint; and ask-sharing, where they follow it with neutral information about themselves.

Why do people ask questions and then talk about themselves?

One reason is that asking first can feel more polite than simply introducing your own story. In one of Brooks and Yeomans’ studies, roughly 83% of participants predicted that boomerasking would leave a better impression than straightforward disclosure. Some believed the question would show interest, give the other person a chance to speak or make the disclosure feel more natural.

Why is boomerasking annoying?

The person answering may expect their response to matter to the asker. When the asker immediately changes the focus to themselves without acknowledging the answer, the original question can begin to feel less sincere. The research found that boomeraskers were generally perceived as less sincere than people who shared the same information directly.

Is boomerasking the same as conversational narcissism?

No. Boomerasking describes a particular sequence: ask a question, receive an answer, then redirect the same topic to yourself. Conversational narcissism is a broader pattern of repeatedly shifting conversational attention toward oneself. An isolated boomerask also isn’t evidence that somebody has narcissistic personality disorder.

Is it boomerasking if the other person asks “What about you?”

The research found an important distinction here. When the other person invited the asker to share their own answer with a reciprocal question, the usual penalty largely disappeared. In Study 4, invited self-disclosure wasn’t significantly different from straightforward disclosure in liking or sincerity.

How do you stop boomerasking?

Stay with the other person’s answer for one more turn before moving to your own experience. You can acknowledge one detail, react to it or ask a genuine follow-up question. If the real reason you started the topic is that you want to share something yourself, introducing your story directly may be the simpler option.

What should you do when someone keeps turning conversations back to themselves?

If you haven’t finished, calmly keep your turn: “Wait, I haven’t gotten to the best part yet” or “Let me finish this first.” You can also return to your story after their interruption, make turn-taking explicit with someone you know well, or move to another topic when you no longer want to continue the exchange.